Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Married Over Black Pudding and Carlsberg (Cauld Black Andy/Media Drawn Horse)

Drawn in, drawn in
By pencil and sin
A horse-drawn carriage
And a wheelie bin

Kimmy and Keston
chang charlatang
queens english
here they come
makkin coapetition
schooled aggin unschooled
class aggin class
fury aggin damp
pathy pathy pathy
versus passion
me aggin you
@ made it that way
Quarter-ounce me
hashtag green

his skin was sucked in
all over his skull
more than eh thocht
it wid be

throw your iphone
on my fire
of wood
o’ wooden men
o’ wood an’ men
an suck me dry
before I die

pitchang charlatang
i was black beauty
freckles nn aa
all holes and protrusions
making all those
unmentionable intrusions
but we baith saw
the rigid
the wet
the throbbin
the drippin
the nothing on this side
like that on the other
the nothing on the left
like that on the right
(thir tellt no tae look
but thir ehs defeh sight)

he looked drawn
in the coffin
on his back
wi eez beak
nirly tuchin eez chin
but clean
but drawn
his cheeks sucked in
what he used to be
but not

cupped hands “PWOE” splotive
you rimmed rochester
violated pope
300 year ago
BANG! (oan tabble)
an spoilt them
for me
spoilt bang spoilt bang
... and now you’re driftin awa
…wango tango intae the ocean
...terminus Eldorado
…wie nae suntan lotion
keston wehr are yi
eh hope
yir no deid
like ah the ithers
but still
shittin in the bin
wi yir elbows bent
an flappin
an shittin
in the wheelie bin
an trehin
no tae laugh
but then…
thir's the rest o ye
thir’s ah y rest
o, y, yih
youse lot
yir still ah here
no jist him
coz he's abodynoeveryman
and that no
stands for a knot
stauns for a shot
tae describe you
infamous crowd
ma freens ma freens
Eh’m greetin now
for ma absent freens
eh mop meh furrowed brow

pitchang charlatang
am boarn masell
borin masell
wi nae shock value
nae value
‘cept the skull
an sucked in
an ah the skin
an ah the life absent

“SKCHAA” so pray
tae the canpipe
no sae many words
yi wizard
wizard scrote
wha never made a stock float
poke the holes
wi a drawin pin
gie in
gie in
gie in
tae sin

dinnae speak tae me

o the sybill
Bang (on lecturn)
in the jar
bang bang
yir jeelous
and affeerd
oh the bar bar

chang ye charlatang
eh can say it
in less
and slip in
an oot
an oot
an oot
o yir dirty wee hole
an come oot

“WHOA” (affy loud an fearsome)
drunk man
the thistle
an doesnae see
but at least
he’s free
tae look
an FID
no chained in quatrains
jammed doon the grid
Or mibbe he wiz

An Oh
that scared ye.
Coz eh wiz
makkin love ah night
an ridin yir
cauld black arse
sunk in the cleft
ticklin wi ma right
canpipe in ma left
ridin ye intae the ocean bright
ridin ye proper
right oot o sight

kill me now,
strangle me,
tight round the neck,
with a ligature,
while Kim shows off,
Stunning post baby body,
In tight azure

leave me with the blisters,
leave me with the blisters,
Kim K and your awffy sisters

Black puddin man keston
kill me now,
shoot me through the heid,
raise upon me,
one blunt object,
as long as Eh
can eed up deid

someone poor,
hit the moon,
and someone rich,
bent the spoon,
but naebody paid the price
coz naebody thought twice

Kimmy K shat herself,
she shat her designer leggins,
runny right into,
her Jimmy Choo shoes,
some inane,
self-indulgent prawn,
takin up meh time
crudely drawn
in her fashion-sack
when there is,
and was,
The Auld Brass Plaque,
tae consider -
Pulitzer, 83,
up for grabs
tae the lowest bidder

a hoover sucked the air
from his balloon skin
drew it tight over cheekbones
and tight over chin.

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